Mask of Masculinity
If you started reading this thinking I was going to give you yet another useless box to squash yourself into as a man, I will happily let you know that is not my approach.
Masculinity is a hot topic these days as so many of us are beginning to question gender norms, toxic patriarchal teachings, and wooey spiritual spaces like tantra and the God/Goddess movement. In my personal experience as a woman I felt incredibly lost as I tried to define my femininity within a man or according to someone’s book of law or weird cult-like teachings. I am notoriously and forever a free thinker and those spaces felt too defined for me despite the freedom, pleasure, love and acceptance they preached. So what am I to do as a woman? What are you to do as a man? What are we to do as the humans who are left on the fringes not fitting neatly into one specific box?
You smash it. You smash the fucking shit out of it. You smash the pre established boxes and build your own unique identity through self discovery. Masculinity is defined by you, not the other way around. It gets to be unique to you but I would even suggest throwing the word out entirely if it doesn’t suit you. Self discovery demands that you not do anything other than exist as your wonderful self. There are no rituals to follow. No required daily practices. No man card to sell your soul to. This option won’t hover over you, pressuring you to be perfect whether that's through wooey divine masculine teachings of another realm or machismo superiority complexes fueled by guys like Joe Rogan and Matt Rife. This option only asks that you connect to and fan the flames of what's already there. You. Just you. All the wonderful brilliant things that make you you. Because you’re enough. You don’t have to be divine, a king, a dudebro, someone’s savior, or any other form of manufactured masculinity to be loveable and whole.
I’ve been working with men since 2019. Rarely if ever have I worked with a man who isn’t affected by some outside standard of masculinity. Men are given one main box to cram themselves into and although they are labeled with different things they are all essentially self denial. You cannot enter those spaces and earn their acceptance without giving up parts of who you are. Think about it. What spaces do you have in your life where you can be 100% authentic and genuine? I’ll wait. My bet is that there are not very many and sadly I’ll bet for some of you that number is 0. It's heartbreaking to me to think that millions of men out there are lost and lonely looking for something that fits. This is where intimacy comes in.
As an intimacy coach I teach you the tools to find that closeness, acceptance and connection within yourself and eventually with another. Spiritual gurus, broskies and religious leaders teach about love and acceptance but they miss the mark. These spaces teach about God, higher consciousness, and man cards. They say that acceptance and love are “out there” but I teach that acceptance and love are “in here”. Within you. I teach 4 basic pillars that will help you connect to yourself and others without the need to be perfect or abandon your needs/wants. In fact intimacy celebrates being completely and imperfectly human. Intimacy will never ask you to be anything other than authentically you. Isn’t that a breath of fresh air?
Imagine walking through life knowing that you have the tools you need to finally feel connected and loved. Imagine knowing you don’t have to seek anymore because you now know the seeking was the problem in the first place. Religion, gurus, and machismo experts teach us to seek outside of who we are but I am going to teach you to slow down and realize it was in you all along. As that understanding and acceptance for yourself grows it will expand outward into connections with women (and others but that isn’t my focus).
To wrap this up love and connection are not “out there” they are sitting patiently within you waiting for you to explore them. Other teachings will have us believe that love is something we have to reach for and that we must go through them to find the answers. They gate keep in a way. My work teaches exactly the opposite. Intimacy doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t pick and choose who is worthy of love and it certainly doesn’t gate keep the secrets to it. I believe all people deserve to feel loved and accepted and that all people deserve to be handed the tools on how to get there.
In the coming weeks I will deliver straight to your inbox a free course called The Foundations of Intimacy where I outline the 4 pillars of intimacy, how they foster love and acceptance and how to use them to connect to yourself and another.